So everybody, I've got some REALLY good news.
Like so good.
Like best day of my life kind of good.
On Thursday, I was cleared by my doctor. CLEARED I TELL YA!
It's time to get going now!
He says that, yes, there will be sore days, but I'll just have to push through and move on. Sore days? Bring it on. I'm all about sore days if it gets me to Santiago. He says there is NO REASON why this crazy neuroma should keep me out of that place... and so... I'm GOING! Still not entirely sure when, but I'm just so happy. I had to share. Who knows, maybe my next post will be a letter from the Chile Santiago Norte Misión itself.
I've kept up my spanish. I've kept up my studies. I've kept up my desire. I've tried to keep the flame instilled in me by the Spirit felt in the MTC, that flame that keeps me DYING to share the gospel with everyone I talk to.
It has truly been a fascinating experience for me.
Like how it feels to feel like a failure.
Or like how tons of people are terrified to talk to you because they think you'll just break down or rip their heads off (Ok... so that happened once... but I'm really a nice person! Promise!).
Or like how everyone expects you to be strong and get through it on your own, because you were strong before, but really you just need someone to ask if you're ok, because really, you're not.
Or like how everyone desperately wants to feel loved.
How everyone has their own "walking boot," but theirs just usually aren't as visible.
And how we are put into the lives of specific people to relieve the pain covered up by that "boot" - the mask that they have put on to hide the agony underneath.
How sometimes we allow our own personal pride and our own problems to overrun our lives, when we are probably going through those problems so that we can help someone else with their problems. If we let down our pride for a moment, we might notice that some of those closest to us need us more than anything.
And Heaven knows I've been pretty much stripped of pride since being sent home (although, let's be honest, me saying that hardly makes it true, does it?). But I'm grateful for it. I'm grateful for the Lord who knew that I was too prideful to listen, and so He crushed me into the ground. Over. And Over. And Over Again. Until I finally began to listen. And to realize how desperately I needed to change my life.
And so I'm working on it. It's hard. But everything's hard. And every little thing counts. That's what I figure at least.
And you know what the truth is? The truth is that I didn't fail. I haven't failed. That even if I never got to go back, I wouldn't have failed. Because I have a DESIRE to serve. To love. To inspire. To inspire people to change their lives as I have been inspired to change. To tell them that through the Atonement of Jesus Christ,
they CAN change.