Sunday, May 19, 2013

Good News!

So everybody, I've got some REALLY good news.  
Like so good.  
Like best day of my life kind of good.
On Thursday, I was cleared by my doctor.  CLEARED I TELL YA!  
It's time to get going now!

My doctor - Dr. Scott Primack (who obviously I recommend to all who have chronic pain) - has won the prize.  He is such a blessing for us.  He is right here, in Denver, and is one of the only doctors in the whole country who can do what he does (ultra-sound guided injections).  Coincidence?  Yeah right.

He says that, yes, there will be sore days, but I'll just have to push through and move on.  Sore days?  Bring it on.  I'm all about sore days if it gets me to Santiago.  He says there is NO REASON why this crazy neuroma should keep me out of that place... and so... I'm GOING!  Still not entirely sure when, but I'm just so happy.  I had to share.  Who knows, maybe my next post will be a letter from the Chile Santiago Norte Misión itself.
I've kept up my spanish.  I've kept up my studies.  I've kept up my desire.  I've tried to keep the flame instilled in me by the Spirit felt in the MTC, that flame that keeps me DYING to share the gospel with everyone I talk to.

It has truly been a fascinating experience for me.

Like how it feels to feel like a failure.
Like how people look at you differently because you couldn't "make it" (Ummm excuse me... I couldn't walk.  Thanks.).  

Or like how tons of people are terrified to talk to you because they think you'll just break down or rip their heads off (Ok... so that happened once... but I'm really a nice person!  Promise!).  

Or like how everyone expects you to be strong and get through it on your own, because you were strong before, but really you just need someone to ask if you're ok, because really, you're not.  

Or like how everyone desperately wants to feel loved.  

How everyone has their own "walking boot," but theirs just usually aren't as visible.  

And how we are put into the lives of specific people to relieve the pain covered up by that "boot" - the mask that they have put on to hide the agony underneath.  

How sometimes we allow our own personal pride and our own problems to overrun our lives, when we are probably going through those problems so that we can help someone else with their problems.  If we let down our pride for a moment, we might notice that some of those closest to us need us more than anything.

And Heaven knows I've been pretty much stripped of pride since being sent home (although, let's be honest, me saying that hardly makes it true, does it?).  But I'm grateful for it.  I'm grateful for the Lord who knew that I was too prideful to listen, and so He crushed me into the ground.  Over.  And Over.  And Over Again.  Until I finally began to listen.  And to realize how desperately I needed to change my life.

And so I'm working on it.  It's hard.  But everything's hard.  And every little thing counts.  That's what I figure at least.

And you know what the truth is?  The truth is that I didn't fail.  I haven't failed.  That even if I never got to go back, I wouldn't have failed.  Because I have a DESIRE to serve.  To love.  To inspire.  To inspire people to change their lives as I have been inspired to change.  To tell them that through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, 
they CAN change.  

Friday, May 3, 2013

Sounds Pretty Good, Eh?

Hola, qué tal todos?

As of today, I am OFFICIALLY CRPS FREE.  That's right.  CRPS free.  It was a big day.  Not only that, but I have specially designed orthotics that should fix not only my feet, but my ankles, knees, hips, and back.  

(Fun fact:  For those of you who don't know, I'm a 19-year-old in a grandma's body.  That truth is that if I hadn't have gotten sent home to be fixed, I may not have made it through the rest of my mission anyway due to all of my other joint problems.  What blessings come from trials!)

I also have a newfound hope in... drum roll please...

EASTERN medicine.

Magnets, acupuncture, DMSO, the whole nine yards - you name it, I'll try it.  It's pretty fun!  Why can't both worlds exist anyway?  People were healed thousands of years ago by all that stuff, so why not today?  I feel like eastern and western cultures combined may be just the trick.  Add some orthotics, prescription drugs, and steroid injections in there and you've got yourself a healed foot.  I began to realize that every doctor had a different opinion and it began to seem that none of them really knew what they were talking about.  Of course, they do... but I've got to listen to my own body.  So I'm taking matters into my own hands, designing my own strengthening work-outs to heal myself right on up.

Someone recently told me "There are secrets to healing, and they are often different for every person.  You have to find those secrets and listen as the Holy Ghost confirms to you what methods you should try."

That being said, I am SO OPEN to suggestions.  Got any ideas?  Post them here!  I'd love to hear what you've got to say!

Also, I would just like to take this opportunity to say THANK YOU SO MUCH.  All of you who have reached out to me and been so thoughtful and caring.  All of you who have been praying for me.  All of you who have been fasting for me.  All of you who have even just thought about me.

I can feel it.  Not even kidding.  Those prayers have given me such strength.  Your prayers have allowed me to feel so much love and have calmed my fears.

I am so eternally grateful especially for the family with which I have been blessed.  The support they have shown me from the very beginning has been unbelievable.  Since the announcement, they have been with me every step of the way.  
Accepting my decision to serve.  Helping me to prepare.  Letting me go.  Praying for me.  Letting me come home.  Helping me to prepare.  Accepting my decision to serve again.  And loving me through it all.  I love them so much.  I am so glad to know that through the redeeming power of the Atonement and the sealing power of the temple, I will get to live with my family forever. 

I will live with my family 
Not just for a little while.
Not just until death.
With God.
In Paradasaical Glory.
In a kingdom, a celestial kingdom.
With a Heavenly King.

Sounds pretty good, eh?